


I'll be lost until you find me

by trash-and-loving-it (HaleyProtega282)



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Consanguinamory, Defan, Dubious Consent, Humanity Switch (Vampire Diaries), I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I mean there's alcohol involved, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Salvacest, also, dubcon, no beta we die like men, salvatorecest - Freeform, slight underage because stefan is 17, vampcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaleyProtega282/pseuds/trash-and-loving-it
Summary: Defan angst with hints of smut.AU, chapter 1 is set in 1864, chapter 2 in present day.
Relationships: Damon Salvatore/Stefan Salvatore
Comments: 1
Kudos: 64





	1. I'll be lost until you find me

Title from Part II by Paramore, which is also the soundtrack for this chapter.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1864]

Damon was leaving. This house, this life, _and_ his “duty” to the Confederacy. He was going to pack his suitcase and be all the way in New Orleans before Giuseppe even got back from his trip. Then, with a bit of luck, his father would think he departed early to join the army, and it would be days or even weeks before he heard otherwise. By then, he could be who knows where. Hopefully.

The one thing he regretted abandoning in this godforsaken town was his brother. But as much as it hurt to leave Stefan behind, he couldn’t ask him to come along either. Stefan was the favourite; he had a future here. Damon never belonged, not really. He had to leave, had to be that selfish. But not so selfish to ruin Stefan’s life.

He grabbed a bottle of bourbon he was “borrowing for an indefinite amount of time” from his father, only to have it slip from his hand and roll loudly on the wooden floor. _Damn it._ Maybe no one heard, if he was lucky.

He was not lucky.

Less than a minute later, Stefan was at the door of his room, clutching his letter and breathing hard.

“You’re leaving?! For good? It was hard enough for me to think you won’t be back from the army for a while, I can’t accept never seeing you again!”

This is what Damon was trying to avoid. He knew he couldn’t look Stefan in the eye and do what he had to. Hence the letter. “I have my reasons.” He tried to sound final, and turned back to packing.

“Yes, I’ve read your reasons.”, Stefan said, walking over to him. “Not good enough.”

“They’ll write that on my tombstone, you know.” He was only half-joking.

“I’m coming with you.”

“Absolutely not.” Damon said, still with his back to him.

Stefan grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around. “Look at me. I’m going.” He had that stubborn expression that Damon knew from experience wasn’t going anywhere soon. Sighing, he suggested a compromise: “Tell you what. Let’s have a drink and talk about it.” He took the bourbon and went to get glasses. Of course, he had no intention of letting up. But Stefan’s alcohol tolerance should be low. He’d let him sleep it off and leave before he wakes. It was a cowardly thing to do, but Damon never identified as a hero.

Stefan sat down, accepting the proffered glass, and still scowling. It was a good look on him. He chugged the bourbon as if it were water and made a face. It tasted horrible but he wasn’t going to say so. He had to prove he was an adult and could make his own decisions. Damon raised an eyebrow, slowly sipping on his drink.

“So where were you planning on going?” Stefan asked, pouring another glass.

“Why? So you can follow?” He briefly wondered how furious his father was going to be when he realises he didn’t join the army. But surely he wouldn’t take it out on the golden child. More likely on the servants. Damon knew he was selfish but all he could think was “at least it won’t be me”. He watched Stefan throw back another glass.

“This isn’t going to be a picnic, brother. The money I’m leaving with will run out soon, and then I’m going to work for living.” He looked at his brother pointedly. “When was the last time you did anything harder than chopping some wood?”

Stefan glared. “I could get used to work.” He didn’t have many arguments to get Damon to stay (or bring him along), other than his own feelings. He poured another glass, just to have something to do with his hands. Ever since he could remember, Damon was always there; he couldn’t imagine not seeing him for more than a few days. He was slowly getting used to the taste of alcohol. Or maybe his senses were getting dulled, whichever.

“Easy there.”, Damon said, taking the bottle to pour himself another drink. “Maybe you’ve had enough?” A little reverse psychology never killed anyone. As expected, Stefan grabbed the bottle back and took a swig from it. “I’m _not_ a child anymore. I’m seventeen.” The second statement kind of undermined the first, not that he noticed.

Damon sighed. He really was going to miss this brat. Now he needed another drink.

A few drinks later he was starting to wonder if bringing Stefan along would be such a bad idea. _Wait, was that the little sneak’s plan?_ He dismissed the thought, shaking his head to clear it. It was time to go, now or never.

He got to his feet, and Stefan followed as if having guessed his thoughts. “Damon…” He stepped closer. “Please don’t leave me.” Damon brought their foreheads together. “I have to.”

“No, you don’t.” And before he could answer, Stefan pressed his lips on Damon’s.

For a moment, he froze in surprise, before his rational mind was overridden by alcohol, and impulse, and the sensation of hands all over him, and he kissed back. They fell back on the couch, lost in each other.

***

Dawn was breaking as Damon opened his eyes, inhaling sharply as last night’s memories came rushing back. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Now he had even more reason to leave. He got dressed as fast as he could, ignoring his headache, and was on the train before Stefan even woke up.

***


	2. He ate my heart

(Chapter title from: Monster by Lady Gaga)

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

[present day]

A lifetime ago, Damon was a decent person. Well, he tried to be. But he was done trying. Was probably done the day his train crashed, and he died with vampire blood in his system, and woke up to realise he can shut it all off. The guilt, the shame, all that crap. And flipping the humanity switch also took care of that unfortunate infatuation with Katherine. Helped him see her for the manipulator she was.

He had hoped Stefan had a good life, on the few occasions he let himself think about him. Until, that is, he came back to Mystic Falls a century and a half later, to see his brother had been alive – or rather undead – the whole time. He figured Kitty Kat had something to do with that.

What the hell, the new Damon was going to have some fun with this.

So there he was, casually lounging on the sofa by the fireplace, having an almost decent glass of bourbon. _Almost decent. Fucking relatable._

The look on Stefan’s face when he walked in was absolutely priceless. Apparently they had both been in the dark.

“Hello, brother.”

Stefan stayed frozen. “Why, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Wrong supernatural entity, though.” Damon got up, setting the glass down. “Miss me much?”, he added with a cocky smile.

The punch to his face wasn’t entirely unexpected, but he laughed all the same. “That’s some foreplay, I gotta say.”

“How are you even here?” Stefan finally found his words.

“Same as you.” Damon shrugged and finished his drink. “Where is that bitch, anyway?”

“Katherine is dead. The council killed all the town vampires.”

“Obviously not all. “

“I turned afterwards. Father shot me when I tried to free her.”

Damon’s eyebrows shot up. “Damn. Didn’t think he had it in him.”

“So you’ve been alive all along? And you never bothered to let me know?”

Sure, Damon could tell him the truth. But where’s the fun in that? “What can I say, you’re not exactly a priority.” _Oof, furious is an even better look on him._ Getting under people’s skin is one of the few enjoyable things with your humanity switched off. And Stefan was always so easy to rile up.

“Then why bother coming back? I thought you’d died, I mourned you!”

“Ah, all we need is the violins in the background, and the melodrama would be complete.”, Damon smirked. “But let’s say I got bored.” He stepped closer. “Care to amuse me?”

Stefan crossed his arms and looked away. “Please leave.”

“Now, I seem to remember you begging for the exact opposite the last time I saw you.” He trailed a finger down his neck. “Need me to jog your memory?” Stefan grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” With that, he had him against a wall, pressing into him and whispering into his ear. “What’s with playing hard to get, Stef?” He trailed his tongue up his neck.

Stefan exhaled hard, trying to pull himself together. But before he could do that, Damon’s fangs were in his neck, and he fisted his hand in his hair. “Damon…”

Maybe there was hope for them still. Maybe Damon could be brought back from this darkness. Maybe. Stefan held onto that maybe.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :)


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